Taste of freedom.

Not so much the smell of success yet, whether it'll be sweet or not I'll have to wait for another 3-4 weeks...stressful. I can only hope I got a First overall but I studied so little and so late and two of the papers went miserably. ARGH!

I now have a lot of time, though. It's strange. I think I like the freedom to do whatever I like. I actually get to sleep. But it's quite odd knowing I don't have to study, that I can do useless things without feeling guilty. No complaints though, I'd much rather get my sleep and time to do whatever I damn please.

So many things to think about now. University is done. Growing up and growing old.

Been a big while.

It's not that I have the time to blog today either but I will anyways. I've suffered 4 exams so far, 2 of which went better than the other...the other being investment management and international financial management aka Finance. They sucked. The lecturers decided it was ok to test us on things that never came up in the lecture or the seminars...ok, the IFM paper wasn't as miserable but seriously, asking us to derive the Marshall-Learners condition? ARE YOU F*CKING CRAZY?!

ANYWAY, international business strategy tmrw... = IBS = immense bullshitting. It's only an hour an a half and hopefully I would have crammed enough globalisation, internationalisation, IJVs, M&As and culture crap into my head by 2 in the afternoon. Two more papers after that... both equally as daunting. Will think about them later.

My sleeping times have been all over the place and same goes with my eating. This is just too much for my body but it'll be all over by Friday!!! 4 more fricking days and I'll be free. I'm just praying to whoever's up there for the entire IM and IFM class to do equally miserably as me and have the lecturers push the curve up *fingers crossed*. I know I speak for many when I say we need it, bad.

Back to IBS...such a load of non-sense. Oh, oh, I want this new LG phone!! Waiting for it to come out...

Tax.

I never liked the idea of tax, since I was a kid. I was like why the hell does the gov get to take a huge chunk of money out of my parents' pay. Growing up, it is a tool to stabilise the economy and redistribute wealth whilst funding public expenditure. BLAH.

Maybe it's just in England that the tax's so insane. You're taxed on like...EVERYTHING. I'm not going to go into details but let's just say you're destined for poverty given how their Budget is looking.

Must get out.

Swift by.

The essay's in, since yesterday, finally. The last essay I'll have to submit ever again at University, that is awesome. Celebrated by watching 2 episodes of series, or was it 3, I don't know...two probably...and is now up to date with all my series. One more is coming out today though but will have to wait until tomorrow 'til it goes online.

Must start with my revision now. Tax shall be my first milestone, I've missed oh-so-many lectures that I am virtually clueless about how to calculate anything *screwed*! Why am I blogging?

And since I've refused to do any work for the entire day, I might as well freak myself out with some numbers.

13, is how many days I have left before my first exams
7, is how many exams I have in total
13, is how many hours those exams total up to...insane
11, is how many days the seven exams are scattered across
10,000, is how many words I've written this year (not including the presentation material)
3, is how many Finance papers I have...if I don't get one, I don't get all of them
0, is how little exams some of my friends have...
9, is how many exams some of them have to suffer...

Blah, I'll go do some Tax or something. Clueless.

CALPICO!!!!

I don't know what's happening with my life but I'm doing what Johnnie said, Keep Walking. Things are different now and they'll never be the same but ah well, what the heck, you take what life throws at you right and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Things happen for a reason, I might just about be able to put my finger on what that reason may be...we'll see. I'll stop with the cliches.

I'm suddenly excited again, after watching an episode of a series last night I was able to laugh out loud for the first time in a few days. And today, I discovered the website of Calpico. Yes, it has taken me that long to actually realise oh wait there has to be a website! After reading on wiki about it there're so many flavours and Calpico products that I want to try, makes me want to go to Japan that much more! Argh!! I hope the trip happens this summer, I'm not counting on anything just in case it doesn't... But it'd be really nice if it does. My cousins are coming from the US this summer too, the last time I saw them was back in '05 and that's been a while now. They've grown up quite a bit, will be quite interesting to see them...

Anyways, back to Calpico. I want to try them all!! Especially this one:
Calpico mango!!! One day..!! I want the lychee, and the strawberry, and the aloe and all of them. I remember having a grape one in Singapore, I want that too. I bought the Calpico Concentrate from Japan Centre in London and have been mixing it with water or semi-skimmed milk...and is loving it. Just wish it wasn't 8pounds a carton. I'm sure it's a lot, LOT cheaper in Japan. I should try looking for them in Villa when I go home. There's guava flavour and grape flavour in Indonesia too...gee! I'll get back to work now. It's almost finished. 75 words more (only!) and just a proof read (which I'm sure will end up taking me ages to fix everything I've missed).

To be happy.

I must move on with my life. I have to know what happiness is all over again. I need to hold myself together. I'm not ready to leave yet. Although not a Christian nor religious, let this saying ring true:

God please make me accept things that I cannot change
and give me the courage to change things that I can
and the wisdom to know the difference. 

Relapse.

Things have somehow managed to mess themselves up all over again. This sucks. Why can't everything just go smoothly and make life simpler? I'm running out of the energy to deal with all of this, it's draining, it's exhausting, it's too much.

Help me.

Solved.

Because I won't give up, I've got rid of the loose ends and can sleep soundly again tonight. My essay's 1/3 way there, yes, it's still not finished after all these months. There's one thing left I want, apart from a first class honours, but I know I can't have it. It's taking forever to make the peace? Zone myself out from it completely and hope that one day I'll make my peace? Sigh, what to do? Life is confusing all over again.

I want too much out of life. I expect too much out of people. I dream too far. But that's got nothing to do with what anyone thinks.

Played.

Like an idiot without a brain, for no better simile comes to mind. I just did not see it coming.