Awkward.

"I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired" sings the speakers from my laptop...exactly how I feel. I am more than capable of sabotage, but would I?

Should I?

Who cares?

I'm not really bothered but then again the fact that I'm whining on here kinda says that I am. Who cares really about people who's not worth caring about? About beings that has no regard for the world - I guess for all I care they could drop dead and I wouldn't notice a thing and if I did, I'll be rejoicing in the intense thrill of knowing they've suffered.

Oops, did I say that out loud?

Equilibrium.

Ideally, or so I tell myself anyway, everything will find its way and fall back into place. Somehow. Even when the tangle is beyond imagination and the mess is beyond belief...eventually things will, well, work out. That silver lining eh?

Karma, maybe? I'm not the most religious being around, and if anything rather un-religious but at least I go by the principle. I've been given enough values in life to know just about enough to get along and so far I think I've done pretty well on the whole with adhering to them. Sure there were glitches, everyone slips, but well at the end of the day the fact that I trump *some* people (in more areas than one) is enough to keep me happy.

The whole concept of superiority can't be defined with only one dimension but for many of it oh let me tell you, I will kick butt. Not everyone's, but a lot of them. There are people out there better than me, however you define 'better' and oh yea I very much acknowledge and accept that fact. Fine. But for those who can't and just weren't made to be any better, I pity you. I'm not going to lower myself down to play your games because I'm above that. I can only sit back and enjoy watching how pathetic you are. Ha.

The guilty part though? I enjoy every damn second of it - schadenfreude much?

Which one?

The previous version of this saying that I had down was:

God please make me accept things that I cannot change
and give me the courage to change things that I can
and the wisdom to know the differences.

But after some researching, thanks to good old wikipedia. Here's the allegedly better known version of the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference.

It's probably the only prayer I know, somehow. Maybe I know other ones too but just didn't know they were prayers, oh whatever. Certain things will just always be the way they are and the same principle applies to people. You pick and choose what you can I guess.

It's like the ruddy US, or if anything global, financial market - once trust breaks down, all hell breaks loose. You start questioning everything and you wonder what next? You take measures to prevent yourself from whining up in the same situation and as a precaution you implement them across the board because you really don't know who you can and can't trust out there. Sure the markets are recovering and the tensions are easing but at the end of the day people've learned their lessons about what just doesn't work and the lesson will stick.

It's just shocking to see how ungrateful people can be I supposed. Some people just have no sense of gratuity and they act like they owe nobody nothing. Yeah, true. But when you've been nothing but nice to them you can't help but wonder what have you done to them to deserve what they're do to you. Some people just have different values I guess and some are just plain low and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

I just feel like there's more I want to say but I don't actually know what I want to say. It's just this state of whirlwind that I don't know how to channel the energy into one clear stream of thoughts.

Argh.